I'm in Vermont. Again.

I'm in Vermont. Again.

It's cold. There's snow. The stars are brighter. People remain absolutely the same, although most of them seem smaller and sadly, most of the color has drained from their bodies. From outside in.

Sometimes, out in the woods it's so quiet it feels like there's cotton in my ears. I cannot believe how clean the world is when you just leave it alone.

Back in the houses I keep watching the slow, inevitable, spinning freeze-fall of those I love, but can never seem to touch.

I see time's softening of the edges & hope this means their fall won't be too painful. I cannot think of anything else to do other than hope for grace and reason.

I do not expect anything to be easy; only inevitable.


Home is not behind us, or where your mother is, or even wear you hang your hat; Home is where you need home to be, which is a trick I hope to pass on.

I look forward to next year with more faith my steps up to this point.

Seal Beach, Costa Mesa, Mt. Washington, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Westminster, Ca., or Green River, Vt. It doesn't matter. It's all the same. Colder and quieter in some places, and hotter and more expensive in others.

Out here, I noticed houses change faster than people do. People and rivers just don't change all that much, really. And I have to admit, it's always the same suitcase I keep packing, too.

As for tonight, as I return to the cabin, my headlights catch three loyal snow men standing guard outside my cabin from these and other eerie ghosts. Tonight there is nothing more that can be done except all I have. I can only wait and remember how protected I am in all this new, white, scrunchy snow.

I fear only my own inability to know joy when apparently it's right under my nose.


L.

Whiteout

XMAS ROAD TRIP, Dec 16 2007:

Postponed by Jet Blue for two days.

Our flight was cancelled and rescheduled for tomorrow at dawn. Seat booking and finding new car rentals are a mess. Oh, well.

Due to board plane out of Long Beach for Boston early, early tomorrow. Must somehow pull trick to get our seats all together. For some reason I have two kids sitting miles apart from me and each other. Not going to work. Must work magic and charm.

Check out fav music from 2007 on NPR

Okay. Just because it's December and that alone feels overwhelming, I've added some music links to my blog.

NPR has a great selection of 2007's best music.

To hear them all, and more. To hear NPR's Best Of 2007 Music: Click on above link.

However, my choice #1, for the funniest music right now? "The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room." By Flight of the Conchords.

Hope your December day is more red and green now.

louise

Manic happy-last-day-of-school-of 2007-day.

"Today, class, the word of the day is MANIC."
Today I volunteered in school to help with the Winter Break Party. 35+ fifth graders. Cookies. Icing. Sprinkles. Ice Cream. Candy Canes. Toppings Galore. Fun, fun, fun.


Today was the last day of school before school's "Winter Break."

What does that mean to a mom, like me? It means our public school wastes entire day on massive sugar rush before teachers are off for 5 weeks. Manic "winter holiday" (And not "Christmas. The event is non-denominational.) And hurry up and take your tests. Do all your homework now and most of all; Quick, finish! Quick, buy. Buy. Buy. Donate this. Donate that. And sign here. Happy happy happy. and don't forget the massive SUGAR glut-rush on all the happy happy happy food all the happy happy happy people scarf down right before the holidays and do NOT forget the chocolate sprinkles on that sugar cookie MADE ON THE SAME LINE AS OTHER NUT PRODUCTS. (bought for ENTIRE school by mom with kid with a fatal allergy to nuts. I kid you not.) Which is all more fodder for why I'm paranoid about peanut allergies. Even the "grown ups" drop the ball. Merry happy holiday and now you can have your kids back for five weeks, good luck.

Actually, I like my kids. Frankly, I worry they tire of me. (They will.)

Mommy needs a change of pace. Just for a little while.

Like a quick trip to Argentina, or the Congo.

Another day in paradise.

Woke up. Poured coffee. Got dressed. Got both daughters dressed. Put them and all their school crap ready to go. Dragged the dog out of the car. Drove them to school. Went home. Took Shower.

Drove back to school. Signed them out and drove them both to expensive but good pediatric dentist. Paid hefty balance due. Watched them get teeth "polished." Got passively scolded regarding obviousness kids not flossing. Tried to read trashy magazine really fast. Made appointment for two cavities to be filled for January. In teeth that will fall out in five years time. Drove the kids back to school, via drive through "healthy choice" at Pollo Loco. Scarfed down chicken legs as driving north on 405.

Stood around for an hour and a half while I waited for them to get out of school just so the teacher could get test results logged for oldest kid's math test. Aimlessly, compulsively shopped for inexpensive but hopefully not too terribly tacky Christmas-teacher gifts. (Gingerbread scented soap. I know. What was I thinking. I panicked.) to go with endless the group donations...for all three teachers for Friday, the day after my daughters birthday. After Friday both kids are released from school for five weeks. whee.

While killing time at new favorite hot spot, Home Goods, found and purchased Jemima Puddle duck china mug for Juliet (She still loves B. Potter and poor dim-witted Jemima even though she turns eleven tomorrow.)

Drove back to school, again and squeezed into parking space. Got out. Rounded up the the kids. Poured them and all the papers they brought back home back into the car through the door that still opens. Drove them home. Helped first grader write story about a girl who wants a Fire Fly cell phone for christmas. Held six year old in my arms and typed along as she napped.

Checked email obsessively no apparent good reason. Made healthy snacks. Got phone call from best friend who moved away this year to Colorado.

Have to make the rest of the party favors (burning cd's of "girls night out music") for my Juliet's (& 17 fifth graders) birthday party tomorrow at Paint N' Glaze and I need to wrap her presents before I go to bed. Must order Pizza and find an egg-free (for other kid with food allergy other than my kid's allergy) ice cream cake for tomorrow.

Hoping there's enough wine for a glass later tonight. No doubt, will require it.

L.