My Halloween Movie Un-Review of "Paranormal Activity"

"What was that?"

Right now I'm sitting at home, wearing a witch's hat next to a bowl of candy waiting for all those trick or treaters to arrive while my own goblins are off at another Halloween party.

That means is this is a perfect opportunity to write my quick un-review of "Paranormal Activity" which we saw this weekend.  


Here's the film's official trailer.  





Here's the quick Un-Review:  "Paranormal Activity" was a lot of fun, but not perfect.  


And here's the longer, and admittedly more rambling review:



Unlike early reviewers claimed, "Paranormal Activity" does not out perform the "Blair Witch Project."  Frankly, for a date-night movie costing over forty bucks to see, I truly wish it had.  The "Blair Witch" film still is a more cohesive and suspenseful film, but this one is a very close second place.



In spite of looking forward to "Paranormal Activity" since it opened, I would only give it maybe a "B+."   Even though the film started out strong, it became predictable and lost its momentum.   


I will say it was novel and different the way it was shot.  I liked the casual realistic/documentary style of it.



I started out prepared to be terrified.  Pete will have bruises where I gripped his arm, however, the truth is eventually I stopped believing the characters and that made it less scary.  When I stopped identifying with either main character I had time to detach and become far less scared.  


To be honest, occasionally I thought the main characters were more like those bickering "indie" monsters from "Where The Wild Things Are," and less like a "real couple" under siege from an evil entity in suburbia.


The actress who played Katie was quite good, but she could have been amazing.  What actress would NOT want to play this part completely balls-to-the-wall?!  This kind of part should make any actress a legend. So much face time and so much interior change.  Even if you don't find a female Jack Nicholson for the part, can you imagine a young Karen Black in the role?  Yeah.  That's what I'm talking about.


The moment when the boyfriend, Micah, finds Katie catatonic on the back patio I felt that this should have been either a much more darkly comic moment, or much more terrifying.  We should have been worried for Micah a whole lot more at that point, or started to question our own judgement about what we were witnessing.


And, hello?  Guys:  If your house is repeatedly a place where evil spirits attack you: Get out.


Seriously, if something evil this way comes, or sets things on fire, or slams  furniture around, don't show up for more.  If your bedroom door goes "Bang!"  Turn a light on, dumb-ass!  


That couple kept walking around to investigate all sorts of horrible sounds  ON CAMERA AND IN THE DARK, which made zero sense to me.  Couldn't the movie continue to be scary if the main characters behaved a bit more realistically?  Would the whole premise fall to bits if they behaved a bit more realistically?


I started to feel irritated after a while, not scared.  I mean, if a demon sets your house on fire or grabs your leg and pulls you out of bed?  Turn a freaking light on and get out of Amityville, pronto, you know?  Duh.


I don't care if the evil thing does follow her like a hell-magnet. If it does follow her around, then get yourself to a crowded diner or to a police station when it's acting up!   If an evil entity is attacking you JUST in your house, then, leave the house.  Go to an Ikea, stupid!  What demon would follow anyone in there?


Oh, my God!  They just got so dumb that I lost all sympathy for them.  I was like:  "Hello, Evil:  She's up there with her moron boyfriend.  Have at them."


Ideally I thought the story should include the inclusion of a grand scene or two with the much, much discussed "Demon - Entity Expert."  I kept waiting for that.


I also felt like the ghostbuster could have really freaked out on them more.  And their reaction to that could have been so much more juicy.


Finally, I felt like the film lacked an important a big old clash of good and evil for a strong finish.  


What?  They, couldn't they afford just one more actor?  Just one?  What a great part that would have been.  The wise old creep who never saw anything like that before!  Cool!


Also, speaking of other missed opportunities to make a good scary movie a great one was that the lead actress never managed to metamorph in a satisfying way.  


The arc of her character should have been this insidious, creepy journey for us.  Is she evil?  Are we imagining it?  So much missed opportunity to freak people out with some great acting!  I mean, that doesn't even cost anything!  Where was her "Here's Johnny!" moment?  


Or even one little  "All work and no play makes Katie a crappy student teacher" moment?  Not having moments like that really have nothing to do with budget, so I'm fairly unforgiving that there weren't more moments like that.  (Dang, I'm a harsh reviewer, aren't I?) 


I don't want to be a spoiler, but the film cutting in the last moments of the movie does not a great movie make.   I just wanted so much more.


More missed scary moments which really would have cost nothing to include.


For instance, just in the way the film was shot:  All that dark space in the background, where any little thing could happened.  But, didn't.  A face in the window.   An out of focus picture frame on the wall in another room, in the far back of the film's frame moving ever, ever so slightly. Not in the center of the frame.  That would have been great.


There were no spooky "what was that?" visual flashes to play with the mind, and it would have been so easy to do to suggest very subtle physical hints of evil lurking in the house.


 It would be great to include tiny little hints in the background during all those set up shots.  Moments that perhaps only one in four people might notice.  



Remember the shot towards the beginning of The Exorcist up in the attic?  There was this unexpected close up of a  face that flashed by super quick as the camera followed the mother walk through the attic??  It was just a flash!  Could have been a mask randomly hanging there, or it could have been an evil thing, or something else terrifying that foreshadowed the terror to come, but it was the quiet and unexpected close up in that seemingly random moment that entirely FREAKED ME OUT.   It still does.  The Exorcist absolutely scared me to death more than any other movie I've ever seen.  I can't even think about "that movie" too much without starting to get the creeps.  


All in all I just felt that "Paranormal" lost its former momentum in the final 30 minutes. I thought it should contain more "oomph" by the end.  Guess, I'm a hard sell these days.  And, also, come on!  Those foot prints looked like they came from Ostrich Claus, not a demon.  Oh, well.   


At least we got a "date night," thanks to an unexpected and well-timed slumber party.  


Now, I'm sitting in the front of the house writing this wearing a witch hat with way too much candy ready to go in little bags, but nobody's come by yet.  


Hmm, it's Halloween night...and I'm all alone.  Now, watch the door slam shut behind me and I'll have a heart attack, after all!


Seriously, what was that?

A little retro Halloween fun, circa 1958: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

A little tribute to "Halloween," the way I like to remember it:  


Halloween:  Hot cider.  Homemade costumes.  Little old ladies offering fresh, juicy Vermont caramel apples and homemade popcorn balls at the front door.

Just some retro, random kids I might have grown up with.

Days when all things "scary" were limited to ghosts and goblins, and not bloody, plastic props that look like they fell out of the evening news.


This is saying a lot, actually, since I grew up in the Vietnam War era.  Every night the evening news brought to our living rooms relentlessly graphic footage of the war as well the violent protests against it going on here at home.  


"Halloween," had not figured out how to market our fears back as well as they do today.  


I suppose for some reason they felt it would be in bad taste to show bloody body parts in our front yards with a war going on.  Imagine that?  


In any case, thank God that "back in the olden days" Halloween was still just a sweet holiday which remained  kid-friendly since there were no Target Stores and Big Lots to capitalize on all that plastic crap.


(However, if you want to see perhaps one of the sickest, most tasteless examples of capitalizing on horror to the point of insanity, then click here to  see a very unusual Thai Bakery:  *If you dare.  Note: NOT kid friendly!)


Anyhow -- Here's back to a retro Halloween video, where the scariest thing about it is Bing Crosby's voice.


The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1958)



And, "Ichabod Crane" 
~ May be one of the most overtly dumb Disney songs, ever.

Everybody Poops Where The Wild Things Are

Okay, so, since my dear friend, Prince, already snagged what may be the best spoof of Spike Jonze's adaptation of Where The Wild Things Are, (Where The Dirty Hipsters Are) I'm still feeling pretty confident this is a very close runner's up.

EVERYBODY POOPS WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE:

Watch:

Finally saw "Where The Wild Things Are!"

A loyal "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE" fan.

So after many long months of waiting to see this movie, I finally got a chance to go see a matinee of "Where the Wild Things Are" this week with my daughter and her Brownie Troop.

(But, for the record:  I've been eagerly awaiting seeing this movie for months: Click here for my former post .)

This week she and her fellow third grader girl buddies all got a full tour of the cinema. They went up to the projection room, each received their own box of popcorn and drink, and to top it all off, each got a "Wild Things" paper crown to wear! Not too shabby, for your average Brownie field trip!

I was really excited because I knew this would be a great opportunity to get a broader perspective on how others liked the film.

Note* Unfortunately, I don't have a photo here of the girls sitting in a row in their Brownie vests and paper crowns, but you'll just have to take my word that it was pretty adorable.

So, what did the kids think of the movie?

They liked it. Really.

To be honest, I had my doubts about it, at times, but now I'm thinking it might be due to just thinking too much.

However, the kids were never bored, just perhaps occasionally perplexed, I think, by the rambling nature of the plot. I mean, there were times when I had no idea what was going on (when they were smashing the stick houses, among other monster-related activities)

I do think that while many are calling this a "kids" movie, I think more specifically it is a "boy's movie."

There were a lot of moments of bonding over rough-house play and dirt clod fights. I was a little confused about all the joy derived from destroying things. I'm going to generalize here, but I'm not sure that most girls have quite the same impulse control issues that both Max and Carol had. But, that's because I'm such a girl, I guess.

Did I like it? Yeah, I did like it.

But did I love it? No, not really. Not like I love the book. Which, I realize isn't fair at all, but it's the truth. I wanted a bit more joy, I think.

I wish I did love it, but the truth is I found my attention wandering at times. And I feel so guilty saying that, but honestly, I found it kind of dull now and then. And, believe me, I had high hopes for this film. Nobody wanted this film to fly more than I did.

I thought the special effects were great, and really creative. They were very realistic monsters. Very imaginative re-telling of the very short children's book, but, I think, what bothered me the most was how melancholy it was for a children's movie. It was sad. Even the scenery and costumes were in sepia tones. I thought the cinematography was all a bit too drab, for lack of a better word, for a successful children's movie. But, hey? What do I know?

I fully expected that once the fantasy really began at the monster island, for instance, once Max felt safe with them, that perhaps all those sepia tones might then slowly start to brighten and inevitably become more colorful. I kept expecting more green tones to materialize within Carol's striped fur. I was sure that as soon as Max and Carol hit it off that the world would become more "colorful," literally, a la Wizard of Oz, but, nope. It was still brown and grey and darkish.

I also thought that the monster soap-opera was just a bit too confusing to follow and I cringed with fear when I heard things about "cutting your brains out and eat them," or other lines like,"Good! Then, I won't have to bite my feet off." I think it's really important to remember that what is on a huge screen in a dark theater is really going to hit impressionable kids in a big way, so there were a few moments when I waited for my eight year old to bury her head in my arm. Actually, she did so, on occasion, but these were moments passed quickly. And there was no request to go to the lobby, which is how I spent many another "kid's movie" with her.

I did have some concerns that the anger and imagery may be upsetting to the kids we brought...But, hello? They didn't mind a bit. Not one bit. Guess the Grimms Bros. were right: Creepy works in children's stories, sometimes.

I do want to mention one total "girl moment" in the film.

It was when a giant chorus of girl's voices in the audience said "Ewwwwww!" all at once as Max was pulled out of KW's mouth all slimy from spit. See, the boys didn't mind, but all the girls were horrified.

And the end was really sad. Really, really sad...Max's top monster pal is heartbroken Max leaves the island and the weeping monsters watching Max sail out of view was so sad....I was sure this wouldn't go down well with our Brownie troop, especially since I heard sniffling...but, I was wrong, they liked that, too.

Lights came up. The kids were transfixed on the rolling credits and I asked them, trying hard not to betray my own feelings, "So, girls, how did you like the movie?"

Across the board I heard a chorus of "I liked it!" "Yeah, it was good. Kind of sad, but it was really good."

I later on asked the moms if they liked it, and they said the same thing. Nobody elaborated much, but across the board this is what I heard.

So, I've decided that I must be thinking way too much to enjoy a kid's movie, and that since the film really was supposed to be for kids, that I should respect that his intended audience seems to have embraced it.

So, I now tip my hat to Spike Jonze who took this wonderful book and translated it into a far lengthier film so creatively, while not losing the integrity of the book's message.

I learned that I should stop being so over-protective and trust that our smaller generation is entirely capable of enduring difficult moments that aren't as safe or happy as we parents would like them to be.

It was a surprisingly reassuring journey to go on with both Max and our Brownies.

I learned that children are capable of landing on their feet in all sorts of creative ways in order to embrace and celebrate their own Wild Rumpus. And that we need to have faith in our limitless ability to seek joy in the most unlikely of times and places.

We like books.

We even like some of the same books
that mommy liked when she was their age.

My favorite book, ever: Maurice Sendak's "Higglety Pigglety Pop! Or There Must Be More to Life"

My favorite children's author is, hands down, Maurice Sendak.

However, my favorite of his books is not the hugely famous  Where The Wild Things Are, (yes, the same book that that Spike Jonze based his hit film on), although that's a good one.  Instead, my personal favorite Sendak book is the much lesser known book from 1967 called:

"Higglety Pigglety Pop!

Or There Must Be More to Life"

Introducing "Jennie" 

I remember my mother bringing this book home from one of her library conventions.  She's always been something of a genius about spotting great children's literature early on, and always brought gifts from these trips which I still treasure today.  Posters and odd first edition books by eccentric artists, like Edward Gorey (who apparently shared her love of 1920s raccoon coats) and the sweet husband-and-wife team of the D'Aulaires.  She always came home with great gifts, and even better stories to tell.  

In any case, ever since the day she brought home this book I've never been without it.  Seriously.   I've always kept this book. You can bury me with it.

It's a small book,  just in black and white.  It's a bit longer than his Wild Things, and has "chapters" which aren't always the kind of books little kids warm up to right immediately.  However, this book has a magic that didn't just touch me, it grew over time.

The book's protagonist, or, "heroine," is a dog named "Jennie."  Who, the writer tells us right away, is the kind of dog who "has everything."  We also learn that in spite of having everything she is still "discontent with life."  The book chronicles her journey out into the big bad world on her quest to experience  "something different."  

Even as I kid I was, like: "Hey! That's me! I have everything, but I'm still discontent!  I want the kind of experience needed to be a star, too!  Who wouldn't?  I identify with this protagonist!  "CALL EX 1-1212!" (You'll have to read the book to get that last part.)

Her personal journey was mine.  As a kid, and later on as a struggling young actress I would think about how Jennie's life was a lot like my own, with all the trials and errors that go hand and hand with the heartbreaking life path that acting is.  Inevitably, I saw that Jennie's journey was mine:  I create the show, the show I star in!  Seize the day. Embrace the characters you meet on your life's journey for unlikely as it may seem at the time, they will be your fellow actors in your play.    

Yes, all the world's a stage!   Where have I heard that before?

I also can't even remembered the times I wondered who I was more like, Jennie or The Plant.  But, mostly only when I was feeling sorry for myself. 

I.  LOVE. THIS. BOOK.

Over the years, I've had time to ponder it's meaning. 

Is Jennie supposed to be Nina from Chekhov's "The Seagull?"  Is she on a tragic or comic journey?  Both?  And, just who was Baby's mom?

Jennie is the everyman in the story, I mean, the everydog.

We all carry seeds of discontent and a deep desire to make our mark in the world, only to discover things we didn't expect to on our journey.  

Valuable lessons learned from  "Higglety Pigglety Pop!"

• Sometimes the lion that almost ate you ends up being your guru.  
  
• Sometimes you have to be really hungry to learn how to feed yourself. 
  
• Sometimes, you have to just seize the day, even it's by snatching it out of the hands of others.  
  
• And most of all, you have be ready to finally recognize who your friends really are.
  
• Friends do not give up on you when you are having a dark night of the soul.
  
• And, like Rhoda says, "We are all actors in The World Mother Goose Theater." 

Geez, all this, and it's all done in simple in black and white, too.  

No technicolor.  No gimmicks.  It's perfect.

Like I said, this little book is not as famous as Where The Wild Things Are, but my love for it runs deep.

And, I treasure it almost as much as I treasure having the kind of mom who always recognized great children's literatures and introduced me to the world of Maurice Sendak and so many other wonderful authors like him.

Jennie feigning hunger so Rhoda will hurry up and make pancakes to feed her.

Jennie, who had everything.  

Apparently, she had the Mona Lisa, too.

I should add that if you are, like I am, a huge fan Sendak's art, then here's a link to a hardcover copy of The Art of Maurice Sendak: 1980 to Present (Hardcover) by written by "Angels in America," playwright, Tony Kushner,  (I guess like attracts like.)

In short, if you care to know more about Sendak, do yourself a huge favor and buy yourself some of his books.  (I've provided links to them at Amazon.com in this post.) 

You're never too old to discover children's literature that touches your heart.

I really hope that this recent Jonze film "Where The Wild Things Are" actually does more than get people to read the original book that inspired it, but also his other books, as well.

Maurice Sendak's work is brilliant, profound, funny, magical and unlike anything else, on the planet.

Get to know all his books!  Just don't get eaten by the Lion.

Introducing Chinimals, and other Beasts with Bad Teeth

Okay, so you can look at the link to Photoshop Phriday, here, but only if you PROMISE not to show it to elementary school-age kids. You're only allowed to traumatize older children with these wickedly funny, but undoubtedly grotesque photos.

Yes, back "in the olden days" when kids had things like "snow days" and we had crappy TV (maybe three grainy channels) and no brothers or sisters to torture or avoid torture from, I had to entertain myself with what I had lying around.

So, on long days like these, I found myself doing arts and crafts with mail order catalogues left around the house. One of my favorite pastimes involved cutting and pasting catalogue images in unusual ways in a little game I am ashamed was called "Freaks."

I know. It's wrong. I admit it. But, cut me some slack, I often worked in something of a vacuum at the time. I feel badly now about how upsettingly un P.C. that was. But, my parents gave me books like "Struwwelpeter" to read, so what do you expect?

(Oh, hell, it's so lame to blame it on the parents. Clearly, I was a screw-up all on my very own.)

My favorite catalogues to "get creative with" were the seasonal J.C. Penny and Montgomery Ward catalogues.

The models in these thick mail order catalogues were just begging to be "rearranged." They always looked so perky and jaunty in their 1970's polyester that pasting one model's giant smile onto the head of a guy boldly posing in boxers was just too much fun.

However, this game involved stockpiling different sets of hair styles, and different kinds of mouths and legs and arms, and paste them all back so they looked really bizarre. I glued them onto poster boards and made elaborate motifs which I now believe my mother discretely took to the garbage when I wasn't looking.

Little did I know there would one day be entire careers dedicated to precisely this sort-of low brow entertainment, but back then, it was just the beginning of my unhealthy preoccupation with all things twisted.

I started out with reading things like Mad Magazine and occasionally playing "Freaks" with the J. C. Penny catalogue, then graduated on to bigger things like, Monty Python. I was even drawn to work that was still obviously "freaky," but in decidedly more serious ways, like Diane Arbus, David Lynch and David Kronenberg.

Clearly, what makes me tick is not always for the faint hearted.

However, in my credit, even though I engaged in this very insensitive"snow days" game, I do think I've always been drawn to the world of the "outsider." For better or worse, I always identify with those who don't fit in.

But, believe me, I know, I know.  I'm a mom, now, so I really should know better.

Unfortunately, I do, but I still occasionally peek at Photoshop Phriday.

So, sue me.

However: I take NO responsibility for screwing up anyone who sees the shark photo! Seriously, that's your job, not mine.

"Heene family a flight risk"

Best line from yesterday's press conference with CO sheriff:

-- "Heene family a flight risk."

Heene family flees conspiracy charges.

"Bye, folks! We're off to Mexico to see if we can get our own reality show down there!"

Monday update: *Actually, Gawker just posted a story titled "I helped Richard Heene plan a balloon hoax." pretty much proving that this whole dumb thing really was just a publicity stunt. Gee, nobody could see that coming...

But, you have to admit that until Wolf Blitzer tripped Falcon up on live TV, the Heene's elaborate prank worked far better than they probably anticipated it would.

Which is because they underestimated how gullible we all are. And, folks? Guess what?

-- We're pretty gullible.

Media circus upstages best "kid" moment of the week.

It's true.

The best "kid moment" of the week did not come from six-year-old Falcon Heene, best known as "balloon boy," or I guess after his "Good Morning America" appearance, "barfing balloon boy."

No, the best "kid moment of the week" came from fourth grader Tyren Scott, the innocent boy who, right in the middle of the Heene family flying saucer drama, asked our president, "Why do people hate you?"

Yep. Apparently, some people were still interested in what the President had to say on his controversial visit to New Orleans that day.

Did CNN run the story as it happened? No, they were fixated on balloon boy and totally overlooked and upstaged the best moment of the day, in my opinion.

While most top news organizations were chasing a balloon over dirt fields in Colorado, at least a few other news organizations kept their eye on substance.

(Also" Not to toot my horn too much, here, but I did post the balloon boy and the "Wife Swap" connection at least 30 minutes prior to CNN or MSNBC, not that it matters. It was just a matter of time before everyone would be rolling their eyes in disgust about this.)

However, I think some credit needs to be given to Tyren Scott for giving us the best "real life kid moment" of the week.

I want to thank those few news organizations who did not reward bad behavior with a media circus, but by staying "at work" that afternoon. I appreciate those who continued to cover the real reason I even had CNN on at the time, to cover the President's visit to New Orleans.

And, finally, kudos go to Obama for answering Tyren's potentially very awkward question with a pretty good save. He responded, "Well, first of all, I did get elected President, and not everybody hates me," he told Tyren.

Good training, I suppose, from time spent with his own kids, Malia and Sasha.

Falcon Heene IS "The Navigator!"

I realize this is so "yesterday's news," but -- I felt like it was a pretty funny follow up to the exciting saga of The Heene Family's great adventure.

Mad About "Mad Men" - The Atlantic

Well, in my opinion, there's not a thing wrong with Mad Men, except that we only get one heavenly scoop of it a week.  (After all -- it is fiction.)

However, this article is interesting, for those of us who can't get enough of the glory that is Mad Men.

EDITOR'S CHOICE NOVEMBER 2009 ATLANTIC

What’s wrong—and what’s gloriously right—with AMC’s hit show

by Benjamin Schwarz

Mad About "Mad Men" - The Atlantic

(November 2009)

Shared via AddThis

Boy in hot air balloon son of crazy Heene family on Wife Swap!

So, I was actually watching the Obama speech in New Orleans, (which, actually, was a pretty great speech) however, suddenly CNN broke a news story that a six year old boy got into a "home made flying saucer" and flew away...(wha?)



...so, I called my husband to tell him about this weird story (after all, he is a pop culture reporter) and then he said the name rang a bell and, lo and behold, turns out that this is a child from that crazy "weather chasing" family on the reality TV show "Wife Swap."

Gee. I guess none of us could see it coming that these parents might endanger the lives of their kids with reckless actions.

...Or that Dad, with his hair-trigger temper and lack of respect for women might be someone a child might fear making angry. For instance, say in the loss of, oh, his beloved weather balloon.

Any chance the kid might be hiding from Dad?



Heene family of Colorado consists of wife Mayumi, husband Richard, and their three kids. The kids are eight year old Bradford, seven year old Ryo, and five year old Falcon.

To read more about the Heene family appearance on ABC's Wife Swap click here.

Twister Chaser and Safety Conscious Mom On Wife Swap
To read more blog posts about their appearances on Wife Swap, click here.

And then there is this charming video which is another homemade production: A music video titled : Wife Swap Heene boys Not Pussified music video (awww, cute.)

Anyone else find the machismo "in your face" tone of this misogynistic video more than a tad ironic, now?

Ps. STATUS UPDATE AS OF 6PM PST: Boy found hiding in attic safe and sound.