This week's episode of Still Single, Season 3, Ep. 8, was delayed by, let's just call it an act of Christmas charity.
I will tell you this: During this episode we spent almost the entire time with the Hardy Boys while they attempted to solve The Mystery of The Mad Crapper and Who Soiled the Spunk King's Bathtub?
During this episode, which aired during Christmas week, I gave up focusing on why Eric Schaeffer's potty might back up to his tub. Or why on earth anyone would intentionally do this at all. It really made Eric seem most mad to waste film footage on it.
Frankly, this episode reminded me of what raising boys must be like. I have girls. The issues, while just as ludicrous, are, in fact, vastly different. This week I was reminded that boys really like talking about bodily functions and sex.
In the end sitting down to try to articulate, for this wee blog, just what the hell they were all doing in this week's show seemed like a perverse waste of my attention while wrapping Christmas gifts for my kids and stuffing their stockings on the fly.
However, I will attempt to briefly bring all you many, breathless Eric Schaeffer fans up to speed before the Pacific feed of the next I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL SINGLE episode finishes airing.
So, here's what happened.
First, Eric kisses his deli owner's ass for some unknown reason. Maybe to show us how friendly Eric is to EVERYONE, even the most mundane characters in this Showtime cable offering.
During his long winded and condescending chat with the corner market guy, he then gets to the point and asks to be fixed up with the deli owner's Indian connections into some kind of arranged marriage. Why am I not surprised that a midnight run for junk food is then spun into a possible hook up? Okay.
What else?
There are various cuts of the embarrassing clips from the lousy film My Life's in Turnaround.
For the record, I can't fathom why they would dredge this clunker up now.
Leaving that indie (low budget) film dead and buried would have been the wisest thing to do. Apparently, succeeding in show biz is not nearly as tough as I thought. Good news for hacks everywhere!
Why remind us you can and have made junk? That's the real mystery. I mean, Donny Ward seems like a bright and creative writer, I can only surmise that he, too, has fallen under the spell of Schaeffer's talent for spinning gold into crap. Schaeffer would have been a great used car salesman.
I digress.
Then we are back in Eric's apartment. We have to hear Eric talk a lot about his food issues. And Mark Ebner and Em Sinick attempt to reason with him.
Mark busts Eric about "dating Stephanie" and made a Polanski parallel, which I appreciated. And I appreciated that Mark kept this issue in play later in front Schaeffer's film partner, Donny Ward. Shrewd move. And, for me, most entertaining.
Then, Ward tells Schaeffer he isn't happy about Schaeffer hitting on one of the actors and Schaeffer retorts, "Then sell me one of your girls! Sell me one of your fucking Facebook girls."
Meanwhile, later that night back at Eric's place we get to the poopy part.
Eric Schaeffer accuses Mark Ebner of taking a disgusting "sh*t" in his bathtub.
Yes, you did hear this right.
Then Mark, points at the camera man, and says "No, Stas (Cinematographer StasTagios) took a Sh*t in the bathtub," which is actually a bit plausible given the comedy routine of the woman he married (Wendy Ho, and former Schaeffer date).
Anyhow, this is what they mostly fought about during this show which aired two days before Christmas.
Later, Mark tries to argue his innocence while Stas gets lovely footage of Eric's buttcrack while Eric scours his tub like a madman. And, well, this is how it rolled.
And by the time I post this, the next episode will have aired.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Why I adore, love and worship Helen Mirren: Always did. Always will.
Helen Mirren tells it like it is regarding women being overlooked, unappreciated and undervalued in the film industry.
Long live the queen.
Long live the queen.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Merry Creepy Vintage Christmas (re-do)
This year, when people are struggling so much for whatever personal reason, I didn't feel like adding any extra "creepy" to our holidays, but I can see that this post is still getting some buzz from last year -- So, I'll repost...But let it be said I do hope your holidays are anything but disturbing.
Merry (disturbing) Christmas!
Merry (disturbing) Christmas!
I started out with the best of intentions.
I was researching vintage Christmas stockings to make with the kids, when unfortunately I stumbled across these rather more unusual images of holidays gone by.
Looks like drunk ladies were a popular Christmas card theme that year!
Santa has a hugy scary head.
What is under Barbie's Christmas tree?
Serial Santa
Pixie boy poisons your cookies.
Santa eats children for christmas
Nazi drummer elf ornament
Vaguely disturbing choir boys
Saddest Shepherd ever
Cute lil Santa men
Twisted elf.
Yes, would you sing us one more carol?
Deeply discounted christmas toys.
On sale now.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
"Still Single" S3, E7: Apparently the couch is still occupied.
Sooooo, here we are: S3, E7 (Which means, Season three, episode 7)
BTW: This is me. Last summer. On my third, and final, attempt to get through this book.
Back to the show:
This week, during the longer than usual winter casting session for Ward/Schaeffer's sequal we learn a few things that kind of jumped out at me, for reasons only The Shadow could possibly shed light on:
First we learn that Eric's agent "threw out" Tony Roberts for the so-called "F. Murray Abraham"character, whatever that means.
Then we learn that Donal Ward's mom went on a date with Tony Roberts "about 40 years ago." I wonder why Eric can even afford a seasoned, Tony award-winning actor for this obviously low budget B-Film. The bad thing about union actors is that they expect fair pay.
Anyhow, this led Eric to share that his mom once went out with Henry Gibson.
And then, something personal happened when I heard this: I had this big old flashback to BUHS rehearsal days back in 1978. I remember one day when this subject was all Eric could talk about: His mom dating Henry Gibson. Who cares? Nobody cared then, nobody does now.
*Note* For those of you who do not remember my earlier posting about Eric Schaeffer's semi-autobiographical show: It all started, my blogging, because I remembered that he did a play with me in high school in Vermont one year.
Since then I dropped him a line asking if he remembered anything about the play we did together, and Schaeffer's response was that he was "just too wasted" in high school to remember anything. To which I say, "Right." Uh, me, too. I was only sober for the cool parts.
Which, naturally, this all just makes me want to poke him, again, with a fork. Because if you read his "Semi-Autobiographical" history you would think he only grew up in New York which I find disingenuous and irritating for a variety of reasons. Just because he considers the Vt. part of his life to be uncool, he "forgot" it? To which I say, nice try, Dude. All our childhoods have uncool parts in them. You don't GET to rewrite the uncool parts. You have to own them.
Back to the show:
After one woman's audition Eric comments "I'm not gonna lie, that girl had great tits!" but, then Ward pipes in, she's also has declined to be on THIS show! (LOL)
Em agrees the breasts were great.
Ward wisely sticks to his point "You can't talk about the women like that. You can't do it!"
Ward is looking better and better to me.
Eric later whines that "none of the Puerto Ricans actors want to be on camera...All the Sanchez's don't want to on the camera."
Donny sticks to his professional guns, here. I love him for this.
But, then Mark Ebner joins in: "And did you notice that every Jew wants to be on camera, though?"
And Eric's response: "Because they're smart! Because the Jews know at least if I don't get the movie, I get to be on the Showtime Show."
Wow. Okay. On camera they say this? Okay. I'm sitting with Ward, here. The only real professional in the room, apparently.
Donny says the only TRULY funny line in this show: "You know what? They may do a recount for "Douchebag Of The Year?...If you keep going down the line?"
Donny, you called it.
Eric: (Whines) "Why do you say fucking mean shit like that?"
Donny: "Because you're saying the craziest, racial shit."
Then Eric claims he is married to a Puerto Rican. Which makes zero sense. AS USUAL. I mean, does this mean if my great, great grandfather had a child out of wedlock with a grossly underpaid African American woman that he's exempt from being accused of prejudice and sexual harassment? Uh, not really.
Then the perky, upwardly mobile, scorpio casting assistant says the "black chick at the bank wants to see how hard you are willing to work at it."
Eric replies: "What? -- The Puss? The woo-woo?"
Nice talk, guys. Keep it up. The casting assistant does keep it up and winds up getting a JOB in the movie. The scorpio chick. Which brings me to note the one one valid point Eric makes in this entire episodes: Scorpios do all gut and eat the entrails of all Aquarians and then do a happy dance on them. I will stand by him on this one. They are our nemesis. They answer our questions with questions. Lure us in and then kill us. And she will end up driving him insane on the shoot. You get what you get.
Flash forward: We are in Eric's apartment with (presumably) only his good pal Alison (who I actually really like) and we watch them eating his home cooked fodder on the couch while watching The final show of The Bachelor. They maybe could use some more interesting set decoration. Or a maid.
Eric is really excited about the finale of The Bachelor. Alison, not so. (Wonder why?)
Then the phone rings and (surprise!) The fake Mela shows up to weasel her way back into Eric's affections on camera. Oh, she's just outside the door! And in full make up and with that perfect hair. How odd!
The whole thing is awkward and bizarre. And only Alison's very real reaction to this made me wonder if it may perhaps not have been scripted? But, I now presume almost everything in this show ends up being scripted, so I don't trust much anymore.
But, then he reluctantly agrees to "date" (again) Stephanie, aka, the woman who he has hired to act the part of his real life girl friend who has cerebral palsy, Mela.
Then he tells Mela about this and she says that's not cool with her. A physically challenged woman who that night was just dumped by someone else. Nice guy, that Eric.
Then Mark tries to tell him to see reason, but Eric doesn't and then Eric spews about how similar his life REALLY IS to The Bachelor (in your dreams) and then storms off to pig out on Ne-Mo's Bars.
Hmm. Binge and purge much? After seeing the film "Black Swan" this week I'm beginning to think Eric would have been a great ballerina with all his food issues.
And....End show.
Btw, I like Alison. I really like her every time she's on camera. He needs more people on his show to call him on his crap. I especially liked the moment when she mouthed to and to Mark (Ebner) and Em ("Whatever") behind Eric's back.
I should add that once again, Ebner did try to talk sense into Eric. To no avail. He's not a Ne-Mo bar.
Okay. That's my wrap.
I have a funny story to work on now. It has to do with the very first time my path crossed with Eric Schaeffer.
I have a few boxes of photos to check out first. Stay tuned.
BTW: This is me. Last summer. On my third, and final, attempt to get through this book.
Back to the show:
This week, during the longer than usual winter casting session for Ward/Schaeffer's sequal we learn a few things that kind of jumped out at me, for reasons only The Shadow could possibly shed light on:
First we learn that Eric's agent "threw out" Tony Roberts for the so-called "F. Murray Abraham"character, whatever that means.
Then we learn that Donal Ward's mom went on a date with Tony Roberts "about 40 years ago." I wonder why Eric can even afford a seasoned, Tony award-winning actor for this obviously low budget B-Film. The bad thing about union actors is that they expect fair pay.
Anyhow, this led Eric to share that his mom once went out with Henry Gibson.
And then, something personal happened when I heard this: I had this big old flashback to BUHS rehearsal days back in 1978. I remember one day when this subject was all Eric could talk about: His mom dating Henry Gibson. Who cares? Nobody cared then, nobody does now.
*Note* For those of you who do not remember my earlier posting about Eric Schaeffer's semi-autobiographical show: It all started, my blogging, because I remembered that he did a play with me in high school in Vermont one year.
Since then I dropped him a line asking if he remembered anything about the play we did together, and Schaeffer's response was that he was "just too wasted" in high school to remember anything. To which I say, "Right." Uh, me, too. I was only sober for the cool parts.
Which, naturally, this all just makes me want to poke him, again, with a fork. Because if you read his "Semi-Autobiographical" history you would think he only grew up in New York which I find disingenuous and irritating for a variety of reasons. Just because he considers the Vt. part of his life to be uncool, he "forgot" it? To which I say, nice try, Dude. All our childhoods have uncool parts in them. You don't GET to rewrite the uncool parts. You have to own them.
Back to the show:
After one woman's audition Eric comments "I'm not gonna lie, that girl had great tits!" but, then Ward pipes in, she's also has declined to be on THIS show! (LOL)
Em agrees the breasts were great.
Ward wisely sticks to his point "You can't talk about the women like that. You can't do it!"
Ward is looking better and better to me.
Eric later whines that "none of the Puerto Ricans actors want to be on camera...All the Sanchez's don't want to on the camera."
Donny sticks to his professional guns, here. I love him for this.
But, then Mark Ebner joins in: "And did you notice that every Jew wants to be on camera, though?"
And Eric's response: "Because they're smart! Because the Jews know at least if I don't get the movie, I get to be on the Showtime Show."
Wow. Okay. On camera they say this? Okay. I'm sitting with Ward, here. The only real professional in the room, apparently.
Donny says the only TRULY funny line in this show: "You know what? They may do a recount for "Douchebag Of The Year?...If you keep going down the line?"
Donny, you called it.
Eric: (Whines) "Why do you say fucking mean shit like that?"
Donny: "Because you're saying the craziest, racial shit."
Then Eric claims he is married to a Puerto Rican. Which makes zero sense. AS USUAL. I mean, does this mean if my great, great grandfather had a child out of wedlock with a grossly underpaid African American woman that he's exempt from being accused of prejudice and sexual harassment? Uh, not really.
Then the perky, upwardly mobile, scorpio casting assistant says the "black chick at the bank wants to see how hard you are willing to work at it."
Eric replies: "What? -- The Puss? The woo-woo?"
Nice talk, guys. Keep it up. The casting assistant does keep it up and winds up getting a JOB in the movie. The scorpio chick. Which brings me to note the one one valid point Eric makes in this entire episodes: Scorpios do all gut and eat the entrails of all Aquarians and then do a happy dance on them. I will stand by him on this one. They are our nemesis. They answer our questions with questions. Lure us in and then kill us. And she will end up driving him insane on the shoot. You get what you get.
Flash forward: We are in Eric's apartment with (presumably) only his good pal Alison (who I actually really like) and we watch them eating his home cooked fodder on the couch while watching The final show of The Bachelor. They maybe could use some more interesting set decoration. Or a maid.
Eric is really excited about the finale of The Bachelor. Alison, not so. (Wonder why?)
Then the phone rings and (surprise!) The fake Mela shows up to weasel her way back into Eric's affections on camera. Oh, she's just outside the door! And in full make up and with that perfect hair. How odd!
The whole thing is awkward and bizarre. And only Alison's very real reaction to this made me wonder if it may perhaps not have been scripted? But, I now presume almost everything in this show ends up being scripted, so I don't trust much anymore.
But, then he reluctantly agrees to "date" (again) Stephanie, aka, the woman who he has hired to act the part of his real life girl friend who has cerebral palsy, Mela.
Then he tells Mela about this and she says that's not cool with her. A physically challenged woman who that night was just dumped by someone else. Nice guy, that Eric.
Then Mark tries to tell him to see reason, but Eric doesn't and then Eric spews about how similar his life REALLY IS to The Bachelor (in your dreams) and then storms off to pig out on Ne-Mo's Bars.
| ||||||
 | ||||||
| ||||||
| The Ne-Mo's 3 oz Chocolate Cake Square has 300 Calories, 110 Calories from fat, 12g of Total Fat, 3g Saturated Fat, 0g Trans Fat, 35mg Cholesterol, 280mg Sodium, 44g Total Carbohydrates, 2g Dietary Fiber, 30g Sugar, and 4g Protein. | | |||||
| ||||||
| The Ne-Mo's 3 oz Double Chocolate Cake Square has 300 Calories, 120 Calories from fat, 14g of Total Fat, 4g Saturated Fat, 0g Trans Fat, 35mg Cholesterol, 300mg Sodium, 42g Total Carbohydrates, 1g Dietary Fiber, 29g Sugar, and 4g Protein. | ||||||
And....End show.
Btw, I like Alison. I really like her every time she's on camera. He needs more people on his show to call him on his crap. I especially liked the moment when she mouthed to and to Mark (Ebner) and Em ("Whatever") behind Eric's back.
I should add that once again, Ebner did try to talk sense into Eric. To no avail. He's not a Ne-Mo bar.
Okay. That's my wrap.
I have a funny story to work on now. It has to do with the very first time my path crossed with Eric Schaeffer.
I have a few boxes of photos to check out first. Stay tuned.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Movie Review Update: "Black Swan" is a mother's worst nightmare.
Are you a parent?
Do you love your daughter? Then do not ever take her to see this movie. Ever.
For the record, it may be the holidays. True, they release ballet films during the holidays, but "Black Swan" is no "dance movie." Frankly, it's not even a very good thriller.
It's a movie about Natalie Portman pretending to dance while looking worried and scared and flapping her arms around while she picks at her skin and toenails until they bleed. And then she picks at her skin so much that you want to run screaming from the theater because it's so creepy and gross that you can barely sit there and take it any longer.
Lots of close ups of snipping at skin with nail clippers and scissors. Lots of long shots of Portman pulling off her hangnails until the skin is stripped up and off the fingers while she winces and bleeds into the sink.
-- Merry Christmas! Here's your dance movie!
Honestly, I wanted to like Portman, but she has two expressions for the whole film: Worried and Very Worried.
This isn't so much a film about making art, as it is about art making you crazy. Self-hatred and cutting-crazy. Jealousy and self-injury crazy, and all sorts of sick and crazy things that I never want my kid to see even if it is cloaked in good-old fashioned Hollywood-style "fun."
Black Swan is more like "Carrie" meets "The Turning Point."
I have to tell you, I was so disappointed. It's the holidays: I wanted at least some real dancing, not a movie staring actors at Lincoln Center pretending to dance while casually vomiting into toilets then pulling the skin off their fingers. Come on!
Give me "White Nights," ANY day.
Oh, and here's how I sounded like during the movie:
"Oh, my God, NO!"
"Jesus, THAT'S DISGUSTING!"
And "What? Is there any real dancing in this thing?"
I'm telling you, to think I almost considered taking my daughter to see this?! No way.
It was more like "Orphan" in toe shoes: All bloody and crazy in a tu-tu.
I have a very "type A" kid, and I have to tell you, THIS film would entirely freak her out.
I do not suggest anyone send a teen girl to see this and I'm not even referring to the lesbian sex at all, hardly. No, I am talking about all the pressures in the character's life which caused her to be bulimic and self mutilating. The bulimia part even seemed like an afterthought. I hated the messages in this. Or that somehow the Portman character being a virgin was somehow going to rob her of her ability to create art. I don't buy that. (But, I'm a mom and so this is my story and I am standing by it.)
Did I mention all the dancers are mean, backstabbing females who smoke cigarettes and call each other "whores?" Nice role models for girls.
Or that apparently principal lead dancers are required to immediately be sexually harassed by the artistic director? Yep. All in a day's work, apparently.
The best moment was when the "Prince" dropped the Swan Queen and says "WTF?"
Second best: When Portman is "dutifully doing her homework" until she realizes that mom's actually right there in the room.
Best actors: The director (who actually was pretty darn sexy) and the scary-as-hell Barbara Hershey.
Best part of the movie? The part where the black feathers poke out her skin and she flaps so hard she gets a standing ovation.
Thumbs down for not casting real dancers in the parts requiring dancing so that we could really understand the challenges of how hard the part really would be to pull off, and it would be.
And for the plot not being really thrilling, but relying more on bloody gore and confusing camera angles.
I repeat, give me "White Nights" any day.
Do you love your daughter? Then do not ever take her to see this movie. Ever.
For the record, it may be the holidays. True, they release ballet films during the holidays, but "Black Swan" is no "dance movie." Frankly, it's not even a very good thriller.
It's a movie about Natalie Portman pretending to dance while looking worried and scared and flapping her arms around while she picks at her skin and toenails until they bleed. And then she picks at her skin so much that you want to run screaming from the theater because it's so creepy and gross that you can barely sit there and take it any longer.
Lots of close ups of snipping at skin with nail clippers and scissors. Lots of long shots of Portman pulling off her hangnails until the skin is stripped up and off the fingers while she winces and bleeds into the sink.
-- Merry Christmas! Here's your dance movie!
Honestly, I wanted to like Portman, but she has two expressions for the whole film: Worried and Very Worried.
This isn't so much a film about making art, as it is about art making you crazy. Self-hatred and cutting-crazy. Jealousy and self-injury crazy, and all sorts of sick and crazy things that I never want my kid to see even if it is cloaked in good-old fashioned Hollywood-style "fun."
Black Swan is more like "Carrie" meets "The Turning Point."
I have to tell you, I was so disappointed. It's the holidays: I wanted at least some real dancing, not a movie staring actors at Lincoln Center pretending to dance while casually vomiting into toilets then pulling the skin off their fingers. Come on!
Give me "White Nights," ANY day.
Oh, and here's how I sounded like during the movie:
"Oh, my God, NO!"
"Jesus, THAT'S DISGUSTING!"
And "What? Is there any real dancing in this thing?"
I'm telling you, to think I almost considered taking my daughter to see this?! No way.
It was more like "Orphan" in toe shoes: All bloody and crazy in a tu-tu.
I have a very "type A" kid, and I have to tell you, THIS film would entirely freak her out.
I do not suggest anyone send a teen girl to see this and I'm not even referring to the lesbian sex at all, hardly. No, I am talking about all the pressures in the character's life which caused her to be bulimic and self mutilating. The bulimia part even seemed like an afterthought. I hated the messages in this. Or that somehow the Portman character being a virgin was somehow going to rob her of her ability to create art. I don't buy that. (But, I'm a mom and so this is my story and I am standing by it.)
Did I mention all the dancers are mean, backstabbing females who smoke cigarettes and call each other "whores?" Nice role models for girls.
Or that apparently principal lead dancers are required to immediately be sexually harassed by the artistic director? Yep. All in a day's work, apparently.
The best moment was when the "Prince" dropped the Swan Queen and says "WTF?"
Second best: When Portman is "dutifully doing her homework" until she realizes that mom's actually right there in the room.
Best actors: The director (who actually was pretty darn sexy) and the scary-as-hell Barbara Hershey.
Best part of the movie? The part where the black feathers poke out her skin and she flaps so hard she gets a standing ovation.
Thumbs down for not casting real dancers in the parts requiring dancing so that we could really understand the challenges of how hard the part really would be to pull off, and it would be.
And for the plot not being really thrilling, but relying more on bloody gore and confusing camera angles.
I repeat, give me "White Nights" any day.
"The Turning Point" & "White Nights" Vs. "Black Swan"
So, with fond memories of the 1977 film, "The Turning Point," I've had some thoughts about taking my 14-year-old art school daughter to a matinee to see "Black Swan."
I mean, they're about women, ambition and ballet world, right? What could be more apropos? But, perhaps MacLaine's famous line, "Keep your hands off of my daughter!" would carry different meaning in "Black Swan," the 2010 ballet-themed thriller.
Great Movie Lines from "The Turning Point"
Emma: "You got married because you knew you were second rate!"
Dee Dee: "You're over the hill and you know it!"
Dee Dee: "NOT MY DAUGHTER! YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER!"
And then there's the post-fight lines:
Dee Dee: "Oh, Emma, if only she knew everything we know."
Emma: "Dee Dee, it wouldn't matter a damn."
And -- HELLOOOO? "Introducing Mikhail Baryshnikov?!" Who, even in tights, is hot.
Wonder how "Black Swan" will measure up.
Will have to catch a matinee of it this weekend. Nothing like a "Ballet Movie" for the Christmas holidays.
*Note* I just got back from seeing "Black Swan."
Be sure to read my review of it here.
*Note* Update: I just got back from seeing "Black Swan."
Be sure to read my review of it here. 
I mean, they're about women, ambition and ballet world, right? What could be more apropos? But, perhaps MacLaine's famous line, "Keep your hands off of my daughter!" would carry different meaning in "Black Swan," the 2010 ballet-themed thriller.
Great Movie Lines from "The Turning Point"
Emma: "You got married because you knew you were second rate!"
Dee Dee: "You're over the hill and you know it!"
Dee Dee: "NOT MY DAUGHTER! YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER!"
And then there's the post-fight lines:
Dee Dee: "Oh, Emma, if only she knew everything we know."
Emma: "Dee Dee, it wouldn't matter a damn."
And -- HELLOOOO? "Introducing Mikhail Baryshnikov?!" Who, even in tights, is hot.
Wonder how "Black Swan" will measure up.
Will have to catch a matinee of it this weekend. Nothing like a "Ballet Movie" for the Christmas holidays.
*Note* I just got back from seeing "Black Swan."
Be sure to read my review of it here.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Eyes Wide Shut meets "Santa Claus is Coming To Town!"
Having just come off of a long week filled with holiday performances and Christmas choral events, this seemed timely, if not most odd.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Little-seen Stephen Sondheim TV musical "Evening Primrose" headed to DVD
Okay, this is a surprise!
Wow, "Evening Primrose" is a rare Sondheim musical that my very, very favorite audition song is from: "I Remember Sky." I really didn't think I'd ever get a chance to see it as it was performed. Cool!
*Mental note to tell Santa.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Eric Schaeffer: Mr. Lonely is just Mr. Oblivious
For the first time, there's finally a woman on "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single" who was genuinely terrific, but Schaeffer still, astonishingly, tossed her back into the sea without even noticing how great she was.
Amazing.
Here was this assertive, cute, funny, British "Lily Allen" type, and he can't even bare to share the screen with her!
During the show she was sweet, affectionate and playful and next thing you know, he sends her to sit out of shot in the kitchen after coming over to kiss him! Then, later he just bores her to tears on the couch, then, "See ya! Don't let the door hit you as you leave!"
Completely blind to the fact that finally here was everything (and more, actually) that he's been whining he could never find, right under his nose!
Her name is Maxi Wild.
It was hard to find a photo online as interesting as she was on "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single," however this one will have to do for now.
Right, so, if this is your first time reading my episode re-caps: Let me back up:
I've been following Eric Schaeffer's semi-autobiographical-show called "I can't believe I'm still single." It's now Season three.
This week's show introduced a British woman from Los Angeles, Maxi Wild, who was adorable, talented, articulate, gorgeous, real, open, funny, kind and...?
And...?
Eric Schaeffer, the guy the show is about: The guy who makes a career out of his search for the perfect woman had sex with her for maybe six minutes and then he just shows her the door. It was downhill from there. Cooked something in the kitchen and then got tired and showed her the door in the middle of the night.
Done.
Done?
Mr. Lonely? Mr. "I-can't-find-a-chick-to-love?"
What a jerk. A total empty jerk. He doesn't even recognize a great woman when she's right under his nose! Idiot. He gets what he gets.
Didn't even walk downstairs with her to get her a cab. Very poor manners.
Did I mention she dropped everything and just up and flew to NYC from LA that very night to see him?
She did this. For him. And she had sex with him her upon her arrival, after flying in a crowded airplane for five hours straight, and then he shows her the door.
Nice!
He. Is. Oblivious.
O-fucking-blivious.
She was waaaaayyyyyyyy, way too good for him. At least on this show she was. I checked out her photos and videos on the internet before writing this. And my husband started to laugh at me. He heard me clucking and saying "She's just not taking herself seriously!" "Why isn't there any photos here that capture how appealing and soft and open she was on the show?"
He said "It's funny how maternal you are with Eric's girlfriends." And I agreed that I do feel very protective of them for the most part. Especially this girl. She's much better than she seems to know. The music doesn't showcase what's so unique about her, but, oh well. She'll get it one day.
But, what's unforgivable is that he doesn't even seem to know it. Doesn't get what's so valuable about her right under his nose!
Did I mention that she flew from Los Angeles, that very night, to be with him and he did NOT even walk downstairs to get her a ride home safely?
I'm sorry. When I lived in NYC this was considered sheer booty-call protocol. Tacky.
And she was simply way to good for him.
I hope she finds a manager who will showcase her considerable talent, and a man to have babies with that will love and adore her the way she deserves to be loved and appreciated.
I hope Eric gets therapy.
_________________________
I should add this:
Right now my husband's looking up from a book he's reading. He laughs and says:
"Oh, my God. You're just so mean to the guy. He's like the dog you kick to the curb every week."
And, I say, "Really? I'm mean?"
It's true.
But, I really do try to start out each show attempting to be fair.
However, by the time I finally get to the end of his shows I just want to whack him for being such a dolt about women. For overlooking what is truly good in people. For focusing so much on the shallow. For finding such deep pockets for such junk when there are so many great artists out there who will never get on national television. Oh, well. That's life. A good salesman is a good salesman whether or not the product is good.
Look, I am sorry if I'm too harsh on him, but every week I'm so irritated by his illogical thought process that I figure, "Hey! He gets what he gets."
Besides, if anyone can take it, he can.
Amazing.
Here was this assertive, cute, funny, British "Lily Allen" type, and he can't even bare to share the screen with her!
During the show she was sweet, affectionate and playful and next thing you know, he sends her to sit out of shot in the kitchen after coming over to kiss him! Then, later he just bores her to tears on the couch, then, "See ya! Don't let the door hit you as you leave!"
Completely blind to the fact that finally here was everything (and more, actually) that he's been whining he could never find, right under his nose!
Her name is Maxi Wild.
It was hard to find a photo online as interesting as she was on "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single," however this one will have to do for now.
Right, so, if this is your first time reading my episode re-caps: Let me back up:
I've been following Eric Schaeffer's semi-autobiographical-show called "I can't believe I'm still single." It's now Season three.
This week's show introduced a British woman from Los Angeles, Maxi Wild, who was adorable, talented, articulate, gorgeous, real, open, funny, kind and...?
And...?
Eric Schaeffer, the guy the show is about: The guy who makes a career out of his search for the perfect woman had sex with her for maybe six minutes and then he just shows her the door. It was downhill from there. Cooked something in the kitchen and then got tired and showed her the door in the middle of the night.
Done.
Done?
What a jerk. A total empty jerk. He doesn't even recognize a great woman when she's right under his nose! Idiot. He gets what he gets.
Didn't even walk downstairs with her to get her a cab. Very poor manners.
Did I mention she dropped everything and just up and flew to NYC from LA that very night to see him?
She did this. For him. And she had sex with him her upon her arrival, after flying in a crowded airplane for five hours straight, and then he shows her the door.
Nice!
He. Is. Oblivious.
O-fucking-blivious.
She was waaaaayyyyyyyy, way too good for him. At least on this show she was. I checked out her photos and videos on the internet before writing this. And my husband started to laugh at me. He heard me clucking and saying "She's just not taking herself seriously!" "Why isn't there any photos here that capture how appealing and soft and open she was on the show?"
He said "It's funny how maternal you are with Eric's girlfriends." And I agreed that I do feel very protective of them for the most part. Especially this girl. She's much better than she seems to know. The music doesn't showcase what's so unique about her, but, oh well. She'll get it one day.
But, what's unforgivable is that he doesn't even seem to know it. Doesn't get what's so valuable about her right under his nose!
Did I mention that she flew from Los Angeles, that very night, to be with him and he did NOT even walk downstairs to get her a ride home safely?
I'm sorry. When I lived in NYC this was considered sheer booty-call protocol. Tacky.
And she was simply way to good for him.
I hope she finds a manager who will showcase her considerable talent, and a man to have babies with that will love and adore her the way she deserves to be loved and appreciated.
I hope Eric gets therapy.
_________________________
I should add this:
Right now my husband's looking up from a book he's reading. He laughs and says:
"Oh, my God. You're just so mean to the guy. He's like the dog you kick to the curb every week."
And, I say, "Really? I'm mean?"
It's true.
But, I really do try to start out each show attempting to be fair.
However, by the time I finally get to the end of his shows I just want to whack him for being such a dolt about women. For overlooking what is truly good in people. For focusing so much on the shallow. For finding such deep pockets for such junk when there are so many great artists out there who will never get on national television. Oh, well. That's life. A good salesman is a good salesman whether or not the product is good.
Look, I am sorry if I'm too harsh on him, but every week I'm so irritated by his illogical thought process that I figure, "Hey! He gets what he gets."
Besides, if anyone can take it, he can.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
VERY cool interactive video of Rock/Pop Band SOUR play "Mirror"
I hear some friends say this doesn't work for them: But, I think most people are not patient enough for the thing to load in. Do not assume it isn't working when you get the "Google" screen.
I have a Macbook Pro and I use Safari/Firefox.
But, here are my directions:
FIRST OF ALL -- BE PATIENT.
FIRST -- CLICK ON "ENGLISH" (duh?)
THEN CLICK ON "FACEBOOK" (YOU HAVE TO DO THIS PART)
-- Now just freaking wait for all the little side icon things to slowly fill in. Be patient. Then once all the little symbols are in place - THEN CLICK "PLAY" (I am refraining from using the word "duh" here only because I love you so much, whoever you are reading this.)
But, then --- give it time to work it's magic and call your friends/ kids over for them to say (and I quote my kids, Anna Lily and Juliet "Whoa! Mom! THAT'S INSANE! IS THAT YOU, MOM?! THAT'S INSANE!!!!)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Conan O'Brien's Wife: Liza Powell
Okay, so -- just thought I'd follow up on a blog topic that, inexplicably, seems to generate a huge amount of hits: Who is Conan O'Brien married to?
Who is the wife Of Conan O'Brien?
-- Well, Liza Powell O'Brien, of course!
-- or -- Liza Powel, or Liza Powell or Conan O'Brien Wife.
Either way: Apparently inquiring minds want to know who she is:
She is this woman below:
Before she married Conan O'Brien she dated semi-famous actor/filmmaker Eric Schaeffer.
She dumped Eric Schaeffer for Conan.
So, enjoy!
"Country Strong?" Gwyneth: The new voice of the heartland?
I have to admit what initially what caught my eye about this was that she was playing with Jim Lauderdale, who really is the real (Country) deal.
So, this intrigued me. Then I took a closer look at this clip from the future holiday release, Country Strong."
What really sticks in my craw is watching Gwyneth deliver a song which is about as far from the truth as it gets.
Come on. When you're the daughter of a producer and an award-winning actress? When you're a vegan millionaire with an army of maids, an entourage of personal chefs, and married to a fucking rock star? It's just kinda hard to stomach her croon as if she's from Butcher Holler and the tough life she endures.
I have weathered, colder winters
And longer summers, without a drop of rain
Push me in a corner and I’ll come out fightin’
I may lose but I’ll always keep my face
Oh, please. Butcher Holler my ass.
Watch:
So, this intrigued me. Then I took a closer look at this clip from the future holiday release, Country Strong."
What really sticks in my craw is watching Gwyneth deliver a song which is about as far from the truth as it gets.
Come on. When you're the daughter of a producer and an award-winning actress? When you're a vegan millionaire with an army of maids, an entourage of personal chefs, and married to a fucking rock star? It's just kinda hard to stomach her croon as if she's from Butcher Holler and the tough life she endures.
I have weathered, colder winters
And longer summers, without a drop of rain
Push me in a corner and I’ll come out fightin’
I may lose but I’ll always keep my face
Oh, please. Butcher Holler my ass.
Watch:
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The night Lennon was shot
I was in New York City.
It was the year I took off from college, 1980. I was living on the Upper West Side on Riverside Drive.
That night my former college sweetheart had asked if I wanted to come hear him play a solo show over at the East Side YMCA. I called up another college friend to see if she wanted to go with me to hear him play. We met over there. I believe it was on 72nd street? I think? I know it was directly across the park from the Dakota.
In any event, we met at the YMCA's auditorium. And we waited for Jim to come out on stage and start his show. There were few people there that night. We heard sirens scream past the building, which didn't seem that strange for New York, but I do remember these sirens, for some reason. The delay in starting the show seemed awkward as well.
Finally, Jim came out in front of the curtain that night and said in a bewildered, strained voice, "I don't know if you heard this, yet, but they say John Lennon was just shot." I don't remember if he played that night. I think he might not have.
I remember we all left sad and in shock.
A few days later the city held a collective moment of silence in his honor.
It was during the middle of the day. It was a bitterly cold, gray day.
Again, I was with Jim, in his apartment on 79th street. He was packing. His two guitars sat in their cases by the door. I was looking out the window. As the city stopped its clatter and motion for those few minutes, I noticed a very light first snow begin to fall.
We said nothing.
That was 30 years ago.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Gorgeous Animation Video: "World Spins Madly On"
Don't know about anyone else,
but I needed to see something like this right now.
___________________________________________
Ryan's website: ryanwoodwardart.com
"World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies - Courtesy of Nettwerk Music Group
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Still Single. The Perils of Sleigh Rides and Casting Couches
 |
| Hollywood Casting Couch |
 |
| Schaeffer's Casting Couch |
I happen to love the opening credits to this show.
To be honest, they really do crack me up. The Tigger-like optimism.
His voice over is kind of like a hack comedian skipping up to the front the stage and handing everyone in the front row their very own cream pie; Then bouncing back to center stage oblivious to any impending onslaught.
Every week, the same thing.
And every week, in these opening credits, he always sounds so promising.
"I'm Eric Schaeffer, just your average, single, semi-famous filmmaker-actor, who wants to settle down.
"This season I'm staying in New York City and looking for my girl here.
"I mean, if the love of my life isn't in my hometown, I don't know where's she gonna be?
"I also need to make my new movie, 'They're Out of the Business' with my best friend, Donny. It's the sequel to first film,'My Life's In Turnaround.' It's going to be a wild season."
Then, comes the "Opening Scene:" -- And always, it's mystifyingly dull.
How was "My Life's In Turnaround" a big hit at Sundance?
(Apparently it was. At the time.)
But, I don't get it.
Did Redford spike the punchbowl with ecstasy that year?
___________________________________
Okay, moving right along:
Memorable moments from Season 3, Episode 5 (5?!) of I Can't Believe I'm Still Single."
__________________________
Eric and Donny chat at an audition session.
Eric: "How's your girlfriend?"
Donny: "She's great."
Eric: "Back in town?"
Donny: "Yep, she's back. Yeah, she came back...uh..."
Eric: "-- And you talked with her? She's fine with being on the show now?"
Donny: "No, she's not on the show, now"
Eric: "She will not be on the show?"
Donny: "No. She will not be on the show."
Eric: "She will not be on the show? (but) she likes documentaries, she makes documentaries."
Donny: "Yeah."
Eric: "She enjoys me."
Donny: "Yeah, but, I, I'm not gonna drag her into this."
(Hmmmm. So, just who is Donny Ward's much smarter, wiser, documentary filmmaker GF, anyway?)
I guess I'll have to put on my gumshoes and do some real investigative journalism to find this out.
________________________
Oh, hello? - Eric? It is a reality show, not a documentary. You know, when it's not badly scripted.
But, it's not a documentary. I'm not even sure it qualifies as a mockumentary.
Em: You go, girl! Look at her knowing the dif from a 1 train to an express train. Em's like a Rosalind Russell character. She's from Oakland but, knows about the NYC subway system. She does know everything.
__________________________
Re-enactment of date with cerebral palsy girl friend. Mela/Stephanie. Stephanie/Mela.
(Whatever)
(Whatever)
Note Ebner calling out from behind the sacred fourth wall, "And she enjoys urinating on you!"
-- Nice!
-- Nice!
Required costume attire for all future episodes of
I Can't Believe I'm Still Single
Anyhow --
Yuck. Stupid scenes. Stephanie "forgot" to act clumsy, anyway. Guess she loses the Meryl Streep award, now. Even though she has an impossible task ahead of her, of doing any serious work with a guy who is now trying to REALLY get her to fall in love with him. I see where this is heading...
Can we just see the scenes of New York City in a snow storm and edit you guys out?
Tell you what, I'll just cut out the dialogue and loop over with some Sarah Vaughn songs.
BEST MOMENT IN CENTRAL PARK SCENE: Mark Ebner jumping on Stephanie and Eric's back as they attempt to sled down the hill on their "bag ride" aka "romantic date!" -- Genuinely funny.
But, later, oh, that poor, poor woman to have to kiss Eric, anyway, though. Guess, she's earning her money.
I really, really like her hair, though. I wonder where she gets her hair done. It's a great cut.
Oh, okay -- back to the show. They're doing some romantic acting in the kitchen, only thing is it's like the most boring cooking show in the UNIVERSE!
Hey, next season with all this cooking/sex stuff, try "dating" Paula Deen, would you?
Now that'd be a lot more entertaining. Certainly more lively, informative and funny than this.
Just sayin'.
Paula Deen on Eric Schaeffer's Casting Couch
And then we have to hear him make eating sounds while they sit stiffly on that old sofa. He's smacking those lips. Making gross food eating sounds. Yuck.
And Stephanie looks just so uncomfortable and bored over dinner.
They pretty much lose all steam and he shows her the door and....that's that!
Eric blows her off. He EVEN DOES NOT WALK HER DOWN TO GET HER A CAB IN THE SNOW STORM?!!!
WHAT A DOUCHE. And THEN he has the audacity to say he got rejected?! God. He just showed her the door!!! What a jerk.
She's too good for him.
Eric turns to see Ebner who is, I don't know, just checking his cell phone for the time, but, then Mr. Will Be A Horrible Parent - Eric Schaeffer snaps, just goes OFF on Mark and tells him now he can't watch Idol because of this.
What?! Psycho. Please, Eric, do NOT raise kids, you punishing, narcissistic nitwit, because not being able to read your crazy-ass mind should not qualify you to punish someone.
Best part of episode: Mark Ebner finally telling Eric the truth how Eric really screwed things up tonight.
"What I want to say to you is - why do you think you were rejected in the first place?"
(Hello? Duh!)
Ebner goes one further reminding Eric that he did hire her before he then dumped her after getting a crush on her. Not a great business move. Not that Ebner was lecturing. He wasn't. Eric asked.
This is one of my favorite moments, I think, in all 3 years of this show: Someone actually tries to talk sense into Eric Schaeffer and it did not hit the editing room floor!
Wow!
That's progress.
Hang on -- What was that final comment in closing credits about Mark's Craig's List girls up on 92nd street? Oh, well, we all have our vices, I suppose, don't we?
Hmm. Well, I guess this entire show is really about Eric and Mark still duking it out after that swimming match last season. There's so much passive-aggressive jousting between the two of them in this show. I love it.
--- "That's entertainment!"
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL BENNY HILL
Will the real Eric Schaeffer please stand up?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL BENNY HILL
No doubt, this season seems quite different from the first, or second, because this show really stinks.
It's gone from looking like it was about looking for true love, to, at best, resembling a very bad Benny Hill skit. Again, and again and again...
The amount of real effort put into to this season seems to have dwindled, and it shows.
There's no real "dating" going on at all that we can see. This makes the premise of the title of the series just seem obsolete.
I don't get what is going on here at all anymore.
Even in the first ten minutes of the show the amount of pure drivel is astonishing. Why should we care about some of the random, stupid things Eric and Donny are talking about here? Childhood photos chit chat? Is it cool to say that an aunt looks hot in a photo? Wearing white makes you appear chubby. On and on...
The first funny laugh is when Mark Ebner (in a really choppy edit, I might add with not much connection to prior conversation) finally brings up that Eric was once (nominated to be)"Douche Bag of the Year on the Internet." *Note link at end of post.
Naturally, Eric angrily fumes at this. (Or, at least pretends to.)
Eric: "Why would you fucking bring that up???!
"Why? Why would you bring up that fucking douche --
"You think I wanna fucking know that I won douche bag of the year? I told you, I don't want to hear fucking negative, weird, bullshit criticism, okay?
"The fact that -- why do you think that I would want to hear that I was a douche bag of the fucking year? You think that makes me happy?"
Donny: "You didn't win."
Eric: Looking hard of hearing and confused.
Donny: "You didn't win douche bag of the year."
Ebner cuts in that actually Joe Francis won.
Eric says "Oh, please! I should have won."
Season Three. Episode 4, of "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single,"
Starring Eric Schaeffer and Mark Ebner.
Look, I realize that some of you may find this hard to believe, but I'm beginning to find watching this about as much fun as watching a cat barf up hair balls.
Witnessing a cat hock up a loogie-hair-ball can be disturbing to behold, but also something you really can't tear your eyes away from and just want over with so everyone can safely move on.
However, there was one surprise -- the introduction of the "really bad acting scene" where Eric is pretend-attacked while Mark and Em look on and decide to film through a window instead of call the police. Very porn.
The Saran wrap thing did surprise me, not the violence, just the tackiness of it all. Not only did it seem way too toxic for someone as organic-fussy as he claims to be, but that the entire scene just reeked of "More Naughty Hijinx by Benny Hill!"
Oh, and, nice "Surprise Face!" by Ebner. Really good commitment to the scene, I have to say. Much more fun than, say, Donny's remote and removed "banter" between he and Eric for the first (dull) third of the show. (Yawn.)
And very nice "How Beige Can I Get?" acting by Em. Not that much commitment to the scene in Em's on screen work.
You know when a cat falls off a table and lands wrong? They get that embarrassed, "Oh, I didn't mean to do that" kind-of face on? Well, that's what Em looked like to me in this episode.
I will say that Ebner looked genuinely serious, shocked, even lurid, at times, but he still seemed quite game to carry off any elaborate schemes in their faux documentary-style manner which I think qualifies him for a raise.
But, I pretty much just found myself wondering just how lame it could get, to be honest.
And I had to pinch myself to stay awake a few times, but maybe it was because of all that turkey I'd eaten the night before at Thanksgiving.
Didn't know if I had L-Triptophan poisoning, or something.
And, what I really have to ask is this: Why is it this show always leaves me feeling like I need to bathe after viewing it?
Maybe that's because, in all honesty, he really has completely morphed into Benny Hill: One more balding, pudgy sleaze-bag who thinks it's interesting and/or funny to chase tarts.
And so, my conclusion is this:
Eric Schaeffer and Benny Hill: Twins separated at birth.
Eric Schaeffer and Benny Hill: Twins separated at birth.
* (Link to said contest: "Who's the Douche of the Decade?" -- I heart Gawker.)
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